after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
