so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
