his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
