If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
