Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
