Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
