just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize