Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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