Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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