I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
