Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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