After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
