No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
