Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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