So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
