i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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