I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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