Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
