in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
