haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
