I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
