Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
