I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
