and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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