If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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