half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
