Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
