he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
