You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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