the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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