Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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