It's Friday. Sex?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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