i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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