But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
