i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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