so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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