Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
