Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
