The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
