I heard we made out
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
