I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
