I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
