I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Im part way to drunk.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
