I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
