he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
