I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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