You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
