It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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