My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
