Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
