At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
