3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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