You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
