i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
