the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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