I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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