The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
why is half of my head shaved?
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