i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
